Computer Glitch

Blarg… You may have noticed that the tickety blog site was down this week. If you did, that means you’re reading.. Hooray!! Somehow, the site was literally deleted from my host somehow. Whether it is apparent or not, I have invested probably over 100 hours on this site and when I was informed of it’s mysterious deletion, I was devastated.

My social worker, the marvellous Melinda, had been trying to show the site to some of her colleagues over at the Parkdale Recreation and Activity Centre and discovered a placeholder where tickety should’ve been.

She informed me of this on Tuesday during our weekly meeting of mindfulness. I was extremely rude and immediately started an online chat with my web host while Melinda and I were still in the middle of our time together.

I couldn’t put it out of my mind.

All I could think of was the process of putting all of this together and what an undertaking it would be to put it back together again. I couldn’t imagine. I wasn’t certain that I would have the energy to reassemble everything that I have done, but I also so believe in this project. It is so very important to me to reach other people who are going through the same mental health journey as I am that I couldn’t imagine giving up on everything that I’ve done.

Melinda and I had ended our session at this point and I had already resolved myself to the idea that I would be having to start from zero when a customer care person over at my web host informed me that the site was retrievable. It had something to do with my DNS files and computer talk, computer talk, blah blah blah. I was to wait 2 – 72 hours and the site was to be restored. An excruciating process.

When after the final 72 hours had passed and my site files were still not available, I called again. Apparently, the site had not been retrieved and in order for me to even have a chance of restoring them, I would have to pay over $200 to have some sort of hosting specialist take a look. I barely survive on my ODSP and so thankfully my very generous partner agreed to allow me to put the charge on his credit card. I crossed my fingers and started the 72 hour clock once again.

Once again, the site was not restored. I called.. again.. and this time was told that there was no evidence that there had ever been a tickety blog on my host and that there was zero chance of the site being recovered. Furthermore, I would not be refunded the $200 + that we had spent because apparently, according to them, restoration had occurred on a site that they were now claiming didn’t exist.

I was over 20hrs without sleep at the time of this phone call and was speaking a gentleman who had just about the most monotone voice that I had ever encountered. I was so exhausted while speaking to him that I felt as though I was about to vomit.

Thankfully, I remained on the line and argued that my site, in fact, did exist. It had been on that host. And that no restoration of had occurred.

I was on the phone with ‘Johnny Monotone’ for an hour and 20 mins. I thought I was going to die. Most of the call was spent with me being on hold and force feeding myself coffee in a desperate effort to stay awake. It paid off, at long last, when he was finally able to locate some semblance of my site on my cPanel.

I was refunded a little more that half of what I had spent, and as you can see, the site was recovered. A very long and aggravating experience. Not to mention expensive. I will begin saving backup files of my site onto an external hard drive, instead of just relying on the auto backups provided by my host.

That pretty well sums up the emotional rollercoaster of my week. Going back and forth between mapping out how I would start tickety again from scratch, to planning how I would move forward from where I had left off.

You might be wondering why I had been without sleep for 20hrs? Well, that has been my everyday for the past week as I try to reset my sleeping schedule.. so far unsuccessfully. I don’t know what started it, but true to form, after one night of a poor sleep, my entire schedule has completely been knocked off kilter.

As I write this post, it is presently 4:30 in the am and I do not foresee any sleep coming for me any time in the near future. My current plan is to stay awake as long as I absolutely can and then hopefully I will have made it until at least 6 or 7 pm, at which point I am fairly certain that I would be able to sleep through till morning.

Should I not be able to stay awake until the evening time, I will attempt to take a limited nap for around 3 – 4 hours. Just long enough to tide me over until the nighttime. The naps is what gets me every time and tomorrow (rather, later today) should be especially challenging, as my boyfriend will not be available to monitor my sleep.

That means I will be left to my alarms. I have been know to sleep through alarms buzzing constantly for over 5 hours without even budging. I can sleep with my phone on my pillows and still somehow miss a dozen phone calls. My sleep is the bane of my existence. Monitoring it and maintaining a schedule is just the fucking worst.

I will be back on Monday with an update. Hopefully, I will be greeting you bright-eyed and bushy tailed after a nice full sleep.


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