It’s gone from the back burner to the forefront and then back again several times.. but no matter what happens, it never seems to disappear.
I have been working on the Tickety blog and boutique for nearly a decade. To me, it represents a work life and lifestyle that I find very interesting and hopefully something that will prove to be fulfilling for me.
A bit of a trip away from who I really am.
The person behind the Tickety brand.. the brand that would’t die.. has her redeeming qualities, but she has lost much of what her friends and acquaintances used to say made her different/interesting.
She was been fiercely independent with extreme rules about what was right and wrong in the world and would and fight for the “right” whenever possible.
“Silence is how Hitler came to power” is what my Dad always used to say
As it would turn out, the bulk of what made her outspoken, overly spirited, and at times completely rabid with her ideals would later be determined to be mental illness.
With this new diagnosis and a plethora of sedating medications, it has been difficult for Allison to function in the “real world”. She has lost the place where she used belong to belong because she no longer possess the attributions that kept her in that position.
She is different and so people see her differently.
Now, when she is exposed to the weak being mistreated, she is a silent observer, like everybody else.
When she overhears the ignorant assholes espousing their poisoned thoughts and bull shit about whatever, she no longer has the emotional strength to eviscerate them, as would have been the case in the past.
She is no longer the centre of attention. She is all out of humour. She even struggles to maintain her self-care, since she is so rarely out of what has become her comfort zone or safety.
She misses being conceived of as a person who you shouldn’t fuck around with (15 years of bartending earns that reputation), she misses being seen as attractive (meds have caused a nearly 50lb weight gain), she misses being independent (this applied to every aspect of her life. She seldom required assistance, least of which that of a man).
So, what does Allison look like today?
As far as individuals with mental illness go, she is actually in a fairly good and maintained state of wellness.
She is on the Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP), which means she doesn’t have to work, however, she does have her own business (www.epicpenny.com) and the Tickety Blog/Boutique.
She has a case manager, Melinda, as a local organization who is available to assist in just about anything. She will attend appointments with me, she will help me navigate some of the confusing rules around ODSP and etc, and she is always available just to talk, very means a lot.
I frequently feel that I am not deserving of the help that I receiving from Melinda and the other individuals at this organization, as I am relatively high functioning during the periods when I am well.
The type of clients that they typically deal with are prostitutes who’s pimps are going to kill them, or transgendered homeless individuals who can’t stay at gender specific shelters for safety reasons, and on and on.
Where do I fit in with these people??? I feel as though I am wasting the time of an extremely deserving individual.
Truthfully, in spite of what Melinda says, it makes me feel very awful.
I have recently been offered a way of “giving back” to this sector of the community that is presently in need of whatever help they can get.
I was invited to be a WRAP shadow at the next round of sessions, as I had been very successful during my first time through the sessions. After one round of shadowing, I believe there is one more step toward certification and then I would be able to conduct my own WRAP sessions throughout the community.
Step 2: Solve human hunger
I’m getting there.
You will find, in future blog entries, that I will no longer be authoring fluff and tips on crap that I have to Google to even know how to it myself in the first place. That isn’t to say that there won’t be tutorials and etc, as I am a crafty gal. They will be just be fewer and farther in between and will hopefully not follow in the tutorials that are trending at any given time (hello woven hangings).
I have it in my head that I will be able to accomplish longevity with my blog/business if I attempt to access my authentic self in my writing and my curated product line.
If you were a former reader of the Tickety Blog.. first of all thank you for coming back!!.. you will be familiar with artist features that were a regular staple on the blog.
I, myself, am a creative and am very interested in the creative process of other people who may be working in unique locations, with different mediums, and etc.
I would also like to start interviewing musicians, which hadn’t been a part of the old Tickety Blog. Music is a huge part of my life and always has been. I’ve only ever worked at bars who were either venues or who had a strong musical component, I have only ever dated musicians, I love music, and I would love to get to know the nitty gritty process behind the tunes that mean so much to me.
Perhaps I will love what I hear.. perhaps not!!
Living in Canada’s largest city, there are always a wide selection of community events that I have access to and am able to write about (assuming I can draw myself outside). I am particularly interested in ‘craftivism’ and the telltale signs left behind by this form of speaking out; yarn bombing, sticker tags, etc.
I am hoping that I will be able to contribute to the Tickety Blog several times a week (3?) and I am really hoping that I can count on your readership to, once again, elevate the Tickety brand.
In the future, if we are able to assemble enough of a community around this blog, it would be very easy to take action made at your keyboard and translate that into community action.
I encourage you sign up for my mailing list, so you will be informed of all new posts and all exciting things happening around the blog.
Thank you for re-joining the Tickety Blog!!
Look for an official re-launch of the Tickety Boutique in coming months!